Sunday, February 22, 2009

I Rise

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?'
Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard'
Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

I absolutely LOVE this poem. I almost believe she made it just for me as if she knew that I would need to hear it and believe in it at some point in my lifetime. I have heard this poem performed a million times previously but NEVER has it touched me to make me cry, make me thankful or even make me feel relieved and stronger than I thought I could ever be. I dont even know where my strength, patience, and desire comes from, it's like a mystery. All I know is that the issues I have been forced to deal with in the past year is enough to put anyone in a mental hospital. Instead of allowing it to overcome me and feel sorry for myself I chose to keep pushing even HARDER just to show the naysayer that I am the BOMB, the PICK OF THE LITTER, a HIGH COMMODITY, the GREATEST, and BEST OF THE BEST!!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Sigh


I have so many thoughts, concerns, questions, issues, etc. going on in my mind right now. I am truly having a very difficult time dealing with the set of cards I have been dealt with in life. I am the type of person who has to plan things out, and prepare myself for every task. And this is imposible to do with a divorce and custody battle. Honestly, I believe this would be easier to deal with if I initiated or filed for the divorce before he did. Then I would have carefully planned my exit strategy but now I feel like I am in a room running in circles and he is holding the key for me to get out. I play spades very often and consider myself good at it so I use it as an analogy to get through this situation. My life right now is like a very bad hand-- one or two small spades, at least 3 cards in every suit, and no face cards. What do you do??-- play the game with the cards that you have or immediately quit and give up. Well Im not choosing to quit and give up but it doesnt mean that I am content or happy about the set of cards I was given. My attitude is that the dealer gave me a very bad set of cards so I will finish out this hand and just hope and pray that the next hand will be much much better because the game is not over.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Undefeated


I've always been excited about motherhood and all of it's exciting rewards. Nothing melts my heart more than to see my kids blushing with joy and excitement. I must admit there was a point throughout my metamorphis that I thought maybe I shouldnt have became a mother and that my life was ruined forever because of my new status- single mom. The thought of not having that extra set of hands to help out with the kids or that other person to take the kids away when they see you need a break was a hard pill to swallow because all I could think about was 'How"? How is it possible to do everything you want and need to do for your kids and still have time to keep yourself content. I have accepted my new role in God's eyes as I believe that he will never give you more than you can handle. Therefore if he thought I was too weak, or incapable of doing it all by myself then he would have planned things different for me. Single motherhood is a great challenge and I have always pride myself on overcoming challenges and I promise this one will be my greatest defeat of them all.

Funny

Dilbert.com

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

One Word

Answer all of the following questions using only one word:
1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Relationship? heartbreak
3. Your hair? black
4. Work? weatherford
5. Your sister? two
6. Your favorite thing? bed
7. Your dream last night? long
8. Your favorite drink? coke
9. Your dream car? lexus
10. The room you’re in? office
11. Your shoes? off
12. Your fears? unhappiness
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? happy
14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? shombi
15. What you’re not good at? cleaning
16. Muffin? sister
17. One of your wish list items? Ipod
18. Where you grew up? Houston
19. The last thing you did? blogged
20. What are you wearing? black
21. What aren’t you wearing? shoes
22. Your pet? soon
23. Your computer? broke
24. Your life? uncontrollable
25. Your mood? lost
26. Missing? Kam
27. What are you thinking about right now? Kam
28. Your car? dirty
29. Your kitchen? maid
30. Your summer? excited
31. Your favorite color? purple
32. When is the last time you laughed? today
33. Last time you cried? saturday
34. School? cool
35. Love? why