Monday, March 2, 2009

Misunderstood

I am so frustrated right now I think I see smoke coming out of my ears and two horns growing at the top of my head. I just dont understand why some people have to be so difficult and insanely bitter. Yes I am talking about that guy. If there is a such thing as a peaceful divorce then it's been hiding under a rock somewhere from me. First, let me say this I AM NOT BITTER. I miss him as a friend and I would like for my kids to have access to their father as needed but marriage was not what I needed it to be so I am at peace now that it's over. If someone has truly moved on with their life -- so cliche-- then why the need to continously dwell on the negatives of your past life. I just dont get it, every conversation I have with this guy "about the kids" he is rude, disrespectful and does his best to bring up old dirt. My main goal in life right now is to keep a smile on my kid's face NOT to keep a frown on my ex'es face. I will be very honest and say I am still NOT at the place in my post-life divorce where I can say ''ohh I'm happy for him or as long as he's happy I'm happy" -- bullsh*t! I dont care about his happiness, I dont wish him bad luck, like I would never want to see him physically hurt or in pain but seeing him happy definitely does not make me happy. I'm confused about all of this but I'm not miserable, sad or hurt about no longer being married to him, it's just that I believe that he could have been more honest with himself and me to save all of the heartache, pain, and financial woes that we have both been forced to deal with. I try to look at this situation as a life lesson when in reality getting a divorce and going through a child custody battle is not something that happens to you often so why do I need a lesson as if I should be well prepared the next time this occurs to me--?? This experience has taught me nothing in life but you will never truly know your soulmate, husband, life partner, dearly beloved, etc until the day all hell breaks loose and someone files for divorce ---and then it's too fucken late!

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